Looking at my wishes...
I have always been concerned with wishing for world peace, finding ways to empower women in the workplace, I want to help battered women and homeless people. But looking at how I am going to accomplish this, I've come to the conclusion that first I have to fulfill my own wishes for me. However selfish that may sound, I am looking closely today at what I really want for myself.
1. Develop strong boundaries. I have always had trouble with this. When I was a kid, my kindergarten teacher told me I didn't know how to say no. I went home, mortified, worried that I was pronouncing it wrong. I practiced for hours alone in my room. For years, every teacher told me the same thing, and I agonized over how to say the world properly. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized they meant I needed to set better boundaries, it had nothing to do with pronunciation.
2. Work on developing strong friendships. I have a few very close friends and I rarely get together with them. I want to socialize more with my friends, get to know them better, share with them.
3. I want to complete my doctorate. It's been a lot of work, but I'm two years into it and I'm not stopping now.
4. I want to sit for my CPA exam. No more excuses, I am going to do it.
5. I want a full time teaching position. Since I was laid off August of 2009, I have worked part time teaching, part time selling, part time consultant, lots of part time jobs with no benefits. If only the Minnesota legislature would get their act together and create a proper budget that supports education!!!
6. Learn to balance work and play. This will be essential as I teach exclusively online this fall. I need to learn when to stop.
7. Take better care of myself physically and spiritually.
Alli: These all sound like beautiful wishes for yourself. What you wrote reminded me of that book Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh. I think somewhere there is a quote of his that says that peace must first begin in the individual before spreading to the world. That is what you are doing here. As Alli wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
ReplyDeleteThank you - I'll have to look for that book. I am finally at a point in my life where I want to believe this. That taking care of myself is my number one job. Why did I think taking care of others would result in their wanting to take care of me? It leaves me at the mercy of other people for my daily needs. Just realized this today.
ReplyDeleteAlli: That sounds like a big revelation and a very important one. Yay! Maybe you felt that if you took care of others that would make them want to take care of you because you felt you were not worthy of their love, care, and concern just based on who you are? That is just a guess. I could be totally off. You are enough just the way you are. :)
ReplyDeletewow, yes that is it.
ReplyDeleteI have always judged myself based on my action and how productive I was.
Igal is the first person to show me what unconditional love really looks like. No matter what I do - or don't do - he sees through my deeds to my heart and loves me for who I am. It confuses me sometimes. I can be distrustful of it, but I am now at a point where I want to learn to love myself for who I really am.
Thank you for defining that for me!
Alli: That is awesome that you have a partner like Igal who provides that for you. Sadly I don't think that many people have romantic partners like this.
ReplyDeleteI want a romantic partner who does this. How do I find one? :)
I wish I could tell you.
ReplyDeleteI would love to have the perfect formula for finding a wonderful partner! But I don't think it works the same way for everyone. I had really given up on falling in love and tried to run away from it at first, but Igal was very persistent. He went to great lengths to find me again.
I hope that you find the perfect partner at the perfect time when you can accept each other and grow together in love.
If I knew someone, I would send him your way.
because I know you deserve the best, my friend.
Today... I wish for health. I am feeling very sick and it is hard to function. I know it is probably just the fibromyalgia, but I need some relief from the pain.
ReplyDeleteI wish for clarity today so I can know what I am doing and where I am going.
I wish for joy in everything I do today.
I wish that I could learn to feel and express love to myself today.
I wish that I could find my paints!
This is a great list. and I'm just picturing this little five year old so worried about how she says "no."
ReplyDeleteAs you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also.
As you wish for yourself, so I truly wish for you also.
ReplyDelete