Wishing to immerse myself

I love this question - from Jamie Ridler at http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-what-do-you-wish-to-immerse-yourself-in, she inspired my blog -

What do you wish to immerse yourself in today?

My first thought... the gut reaction, was to dive into a volcano. Now I know that sounds crazy, to immerse myself in lava, but this is what is going on with me right now. I am in the midst of a creative eruption. I am ready for the fire to melt the rocks in my heart, melt away the corners of my brain, and forge a new way of thinking, a new reality. I am looking to create my own reality today. I am looking for a way to make the impossible possible. I am looking to change the paradigms of my life and find something new.

I want to run away from the things that hold me back. I want to discover new and exciting ideas. I want to immerse myself in the fire and the excitement that is waiting for me today.

I want the fire of life to burn in me.

Wishcasting - guidance

Jamie asked - what do you want guidance for http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-what-guidance-do-you-wish-for in her blog today.

I have so many things.

This week, I suffered a concussion. I know it's serious. I am still in intense pain four days later. I am forgetful. I have problems with vision. I am moody and emotional. I am tired.

I dreamed I was a boxer last night. And like every boxing movie (my husband loves them) there was that point where the doctor says - no more fighting. If you get hit in the head one more time, you will die. And of course - just like the movies, I had to fight just one more time to get enough money to save the world. And I died. A horrible and painful death, I went through that tunnel of light and went to the other side with the knowledge I had disappointed the entire world.

But then my husband took the money I won - because I won the fight right before i died - and he made a time machine. I was almost done with this before I died. Of course - a mad scientist/boxer. Don't they go hand in hand? My husband is not a scientist, I have always longed to be a mad scientist myself. So he traveled through time and rescued me. Long before I started boxing. (I only did it for the money, of course. Why else would anyone box?) I was younger, more beautiful, stronger, and together we used the time machine to save the world.

So what is this telling me? That I should stop boxing? too obvious. that I should save the world? Hmmm, that sounds like fun. Maybe it's telling me to push myself beyond death? I wish! I have always been a workaholic and would love the universe to tell me to push harder! Or maybe I am supposed to trust my husband to take over and rest so we can save the world together?

I am working three part time jobs and studying leadership and organizational management, two years into my doctorate studies. What I REALLY want guidance on is my dissertation topic. I have gone back and forth on this. I have gone from empowering women, to empowering women in the workplace, to studying that creative process that women go through when they are about to give birth to a new creative venture. I am trying to understand it and define it and get the kind of narrow topic idea that makes for a great study.

I also want guidance on how to let go and learn to lean on my husband, so I don't die in the process of working too hard saving the universe.

What path do you wish to follow

I once had a friend tell me that if we were on a path in the woods and came to a fork, I would run down the wrong path and back again before she stepped a food on either path. That's so typical of me. Just pick a path and run for it has always been my motto. Make a decision and go. This summer, I had a series of dreams about a lizard, and the lizard told me that I need to look at my dreams, look at what the future holds for all of them, and choose which dreams to manifest.
So I am choosing the path of the lizard. The quieter, contemplative path that chooses my own dreams. One that looks at the possibilities and says yes, that dream is important to me. I am working on my doctorate and I have chosen to look at how people break out of their chrysalis and become the butterfly they always wanted to be. How they form that creative idea then make it come true. How new businesses and creative ventures are born.  I want to call it the monarch project.  This is my path.
And thank you, Jamie, for inspiring me at http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-what-path-do-you-wish-to-follow.

What do I wish to say no to

I am inspired by Jamie's Webcasting Wednesday at http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-what-do-you-wish-to-say-no-to.

Today I wish to say no to limits, boundaries, and opinions that can hold me back. I dreamed last night about stretching my boundaries, going to new places, finding new ideas.

I had some customers yesterday that told me there are so many rules for their lives. They said for 20-30 year olds, there are rules about what you can and can't wear, rules for dating, rules for finding jobs, rules for your friends. I told her that she didn't need those rules, she could just step outside of them and live the way she wanted to, but she couldn't see a way to do it. She said because I was older, I was free to do whatever I wanted, but she couldn't see the same freedom for herself.

Why do people feel so boxed in? So I thought about the rules that I felt I HAVE to follow and wondered why? Why can't I do the things I want to do? When I finally got the courage to wear red, it was freeing and liberating. When I met my husband, I thought at first I couldn't get too involved with him because of his age. Who made up that stupid rule? And broke the rule and married him anyway.

There is so much talk about living outside the box, yet I wonder, what is the box that we feel we have to live in? Why? Let's go outside the box today. Let's think about ways that we can explore new worlds that have nothing to do with the box. Let's turn the box into a vehicle that will transport us to new realities. We can learn from it and use it, but we don't have to be trapped by it.

You know, no has always been a difficult word for me. When I was in kindergarten, my teacher told me I didn't know how to say no. For years, I practiced in front of a mirror. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized it wasn't the way I was pronouncing it that everyone was referring to. It was a matter of my own boundaries.

I need to say no to boxes and be happy with how that sounds today.

What do I wish to Enjoy?

Jamie inspired me again with her blog at http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-enjoy-wish - what do you wish to enjoy?

I wish to enjoy my body - I have a tendency to overlook the migraine, the fibromyalgia, the hip pain, the fat, the whole aging process, I like to overlook them and dissociate from them to the point where I completely ignore and discount my body. I ignore her cries for help. I eat unhealthy things to block out the pain. I push myself and go without sleep until she can't take anymore and she rebels with complete lack of activity.

• I want to make friends with her.
• I want to take care of her.
• I want to learn to pamper her.
• I want to see her as beautiful, worthy of care and attention.
• I want to learn love for her.

Wishcasting Wednesday... a day late again!

What do you choose to wish for yourself asks http://ht.ly/65jX0 Jamie in her amazing blog.

Today I wish for myself that I continue to be me and live my life.

• I choose to be me
• I choose to continue to explore my passions and follow them
• I choose to find out more about my strengths and develop them
• I choose to continue working on my doctorate no matter how much work it is
• I choose to support my friend Charlotte in her new house-cleaning business and treat myself to domestic help for the first time in my life. I am so excited!
• I choose to trust Charlotte to help me organize my house - not my strength, but it is hers.
• I choose to support other people develop their strengths and passions.
• I choose to be the best teacher I can possibly be.
• I choose to continue loving and supporting the most amazing husband ever. (he's my third, and my last, and the BEST!!!)

I had an amazing meeting yesterday with my bosses at Monarch about my strengths and how I can use them at Monarch. I took a test, the Strengthfinders test, http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx?gclid=COyLjKTz2KoCFQvCKgod2CSU-Q and my strengths are

1. Ideation
2. Adaptibility
3. Input
4. Empathy
5. Intellection

They told me that three of these are strategic strengths and two are relationship strengths. I had never really thought of myself as strategic because I've never had the luxury of long term planning, but strategy can also be your ability to put the pieces together in the moment and come up with a solution. My forte. With Input, I can gather information about people around me. (My detective background) with my empathy, I can read into what they say. With my intellection I can use my brain and think about the situation, then my ideation comes up with a solution. Wow. When I look at this this way, they are a GREAT combination for my life.

I choose to be me. I choose to follow my own strengths and passions and make the world a beautiful place!

What door do you wish to open?

I had a dream two nights in a row, where someone told me, "she does her own work" about my rival. I have never been a very competitive person, so I have been doing a lot of thinking about who this rival is. In my dreams, she has been a couple of different people. I am wondering it this rival is my essential self, the part of me that is truly creative and doesn't have to get ideas from others? Someone truly confident and self-assured enough to do her own work? find her own creativity? march to her own music?

So, the door I want to open is my door. The door with me on the other side. The door that shows my true self, creatively following her passion and doing her own work. I want to unlock it and let her come into my life and take over.

Jamie asked "What door do you wish to open." http://ht.ly/5U0MR, and this inspired my blog today.

What do you wish to try?

Inspired by http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-wish

This bracelet was a gift from my daughter and it reminds me that the lizard is the keeper of dreams, and the one who decides which dreams to manifest.

1. I want to try to manifest my dreams

2. I want to try to write

3. I want to try to paint

4. I want to try to be successful at teaching

5. I want to try to make the world a better place.

What do I wish to Ask For?

I am inspired by http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/wishcasting-wednesday-ask

I know, I am a little behind again this week.

This is an interesting question, because I grew up in a culture where I try not to ask for much. I don't ask unless I really really want something. I can hint or passively aggressively let people know what I like but to ask implies that I deserve it and that it is mine already....

But I am learning that I deserve good things and I can ask from the universe for the things I want, the things I need.

So today I will ask.

Please, a full time permanent job teaching with BENEFITS! Health, life and dental insurance.

I ask for peace and balance.

I ask for joy unspeakable

I ask for grace

I ask for a life without judgement

I ask for creativity

I ask for the opportunity to be me

I ask for paint!

:)

Okay, and I ask for freedom from guilt! <3

Wishes for Progress

Hmmm this is a good one.

I want to make progress on many things in my life.

1. I've started exercising and lost 10 pounds, but have MANY more to go, so I want to make progress on this. Get healthier and skinnier!

2. I want to continue making progress on my doctorate. getting an A in this class so far. Can't stop now.

3. I want to make progress on my preparation for online classes this fall

4. I want to make progress on the painting I am working on.

5. I want to make progress on the story I am writing.

6. and of course - I want to make more progress on my self-discovery journal this summer!

I wish I could take a break!

I want a break from pain today.

I want a break from depression.

I want a break from feeling weak.

I want a break from cleaning.

I want a break from feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING!

I want a break from stress and worry.

I really wish I could take a break from being ME today. I know that's not possible, but I wish I could.

Looking at my wishes...

I have always been concerned with wishing for world peace, finding ways to empower women in the workplace, I want to help battered women and homeless people. But looking at how I am going to accomplish this, I've come to the conclusion that first I have to fulfill my own wishes for me. However selfish that may sound, I am looking closely today at what I really want for myself.

1. Develop strong boundaries. I have always had trouble with this. When I was a kid, my kindergarten teacher told me I didn't know how to say no. I went home, mortified, worried that I was pronouncing it wrong. I practiced for hours alone in my room. For years, every teacher told me the same thing, and I agonized over how to say the world properly. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized they meant I needed to set better boundaries, it had nothing to do with pronunciation.

2. Work on developing strong friendships. I have a few very close friends and I rarely get together with them. I want to socialize more with my friends, get to know them better, share with them.

3. I want to complete my doctorate. It's been a lot of work, but I'm two years into it and I'm not stopping now.

4. I want to sit for my CPA exam. No more excuses, I am going to do it.

5. I want a full time teaching position. Since I was laid off August of 2009, I have worked part time teaching, part time selling, part time consultant, lots of part time jobs with no benefits. If only the Minnesota legislature would get their act together and create a proper budget that supports education!!!

6. Learn to balance work and play. This will be essential as I teach exclusively online this fall. I need to learn when to stop.

7. Take better care of myself physically and spiritually.